You know you're a Mum when..............

In a change to the usual programming, I thought I'd join in with a meme that Christine at Thinly Spread kicked off, all about the things that mark you out as being a Mum. Except I won't be a Mum, if that's OK with you.

1.  Being ignored is a way of life. Questions such as "What would you like for breakfast?" fall on minds that only have ears for 'The Suite Life of Zack and Cody'. Damn you Disney channel.

2.  You make excuses to buy sweets for the 'kids' at any opportunity. Sharing the love is what it's all about, after all, and I am rather partial to anything haribo related.

3. You walk round the supermarket singing that awful Bieber song, as that's the last thing you heard on the car stereo.  In fact, you no longer control the car stereo, and even when driving alone you find yourself singing along to Hannah Montana for several minutes before realising the error of your ways.  In case you're not familiar with Master Bieber........



4.  Sugar puffs are part of your accessory collection, such is the frequency with which you find them attached to various parts of your attire. In fact, the kids think it's funny to spill them on purpose to make sure your outfit is not lacking.

5.  You're feeling peckish, but have no food immediately to hand. That's OK, the kids don't mind a chicken nugget or meatball going astray whilst they are not looking. It's all about sharing the love, after all.  Never hurts to to cook a little extra you know, just in case they are extra ravenous.

6.  The moms at the birthday party at the soft play area look at you with "Why are you here? Oh, must be your weekend to have the children."  written all over their face. Nice. I've always enjoyed that look.

7.  You are forever walking on small Polly Pocket items that are strewn on the floor. Dad's never look properly after all, which is why we don't notice them before finding them painfully embedded in the soles of our feet.

8.  As we're talking about feet, the footmarks and foot prints desposited on shirts and t-shirts by the litle one during the compulsory shoulder ride on a trip out. Usually acquired after a little sojurn through a puddle or mud patch.  You become so used to the these marks you forget all about changing your shirt before heading to the supermarket, leading to strange stares from fellow shoppers standing in the checkout queue at Sainsbury's.

9.  You can do the most awful, outrageous dancing at the disco, and the kids laugh and join in with you. You then realise that you are, in fact, your father.

10.  You go to parents evening, and the teacher is barely aware of your existence. All comments, queries and detail of your little darlings school life are directed totally to your other half. This rather resembles point 1 above. I'm beginning to sense a theme......

So that's a dad's perspective on life at drop4three towers.  A test will follow shortly.

Miss T

I wonder what has brought you're here
Why are you standing at my door
Must we come face-to-face again
As we so often have before?

You know I'll never love you
No place for you in my heart
I rejoice the many hours and days
When we're so far apart

For all you bring is sadness
Bitterness and regret
No warmth you can bestow on me
You know I'll not forget

How you make me search my very soul
What am I that is so wrong
How you make me doubt the very place
I know that I belong

You taunt me, you tease me
Drive my energies underground 
And they just eat away at me
While you sleep safe and sound

I'll never love you, don't you hear
Won't you listen to my cry
Begone, Miss T, I beg of you
Leave, and say goodbye

But you'll be here when morning comes
Though I'll try with all my might
To cast you from my shadow though
You live there day and night 

Visualise me

Ever close your eyes
To focus on an image in your mind?
Try to bring it in to sharp relief?

Ever stop to inhale a scent
Recall where it's from before
You lose it to disbelief?

I can do it all much better
When I close out the world around
Hide away from the distractions
And every single sight and sound

I can do it all much greater
See and smell them all anew
When I take a look deep in my heart
'Cause there I know are you

Second Is First Of The Losers

"It matters not whether you win or lose, but how you played the game."

In my view of the world, that statement translates exactly to the title of the piece. If you don't win it doesn't mean anything. You might think I'm competitve talking like that? I am indeed, I am the most competitive person I have ever met. I can turn kids parties in to a competition between those attending. It's the one facet of my personality that runs free no matter how hard the reigns are pulled in. The 'matters not' comment is something said by those that know they'll never win but have to give some justification to their participation. I would never say that. I may have thought it. Recently.

In a solo sport, everything is down to you. The 7 iron to the 18th that you pull left: the split on the 10th frame that you knew was coming as your delivery was a little straight: the awful side you put on the cueball on that third red. The screw ups and the loss are yours - second really is first loser. You have no one to look at afterwards except yourself in the mirror.  It's an unenviable position to find yourself in though, looking inward knowing you screwed up.

Team sports, on the other hand, have a collective responsibility to them. It's the team that shines or fails, and all have their part but seldom can one individual be blamed for a loss or applauded for the success. But may be that's not entirely true. I've stood and lined up a last minute shot at the posts knowing that the points are needed to avoid losing. I have knocked them over and we've celebrated. I've missed them and the "everything is down to you" syndrome applies from solo sports as above. But as an individual within a team you can play amazing and lose, or bloody awful and win, there's no trade off as above where one generally equals the other. May be there's something I'm missing.

I recall walking off the pitch after a bad game which, with little help from me, we won. I was disappointed at my performance (I am usually pretty critical, after all I compete mostly against myself) but glad we won. And the reverse has also been true - annoyed if we have lost but happy with a good personal performance. And it's these thoughts that have made me stop and think, made me re-evaluate one of my core beliefs in myself.  May be I'm sliding towards the "it's how you played the game" philosphy.

I don't like this. Not one little bit. I'm competitive, I want to win, I hate losing. I really do hate losing. May be I hate playing badly more.

Sundried

Does it put up a barrier?
Do I drive you away?
Does the wall get ever higher
With every brick that I lay?

Will the exchanges soon halt?
Slowly dry up till there's none
As if emotion's been left out
In the hot summer sun

What was dazzling and bright
Just a few minutes ago
Turns dull very quickly
Have you forgotten me so?

The failings are mine
That's the stance that I'll take
Call it blind, say it's stupid
I've no reputation at stake

See, the balance evades me
I'm never sure when it's right
The friendships disappear
In the dead of the night

But then we're too late to rescue
The chasm's grown so wide
I won't call you again though
I still have my pride

Perdió mi voz

My voice has dried up
That’s not very me
I can chat forever
When I’m with good company

But these days, mostly
I seem to be on my own
In my private little world
Whilst sitting at home

I don’t know what brought me here
Nary a thought or clue
Feels most unusual
Don’t quite know what to do

I miss all the discussions
But I’ve got so little to say
So closed off from everyone
Like I’ve been locked away

Wonder what I can do
To turn this all around
Bring me back to me
Return to safe ground

Feels like my purpose is gone
Motivation boxed up tight
As I read through the timeline
In the middle of the night

And I wonder where
This is all leading me
When I dislike the person
I’m turning out to be

Great Scott

For four long weeks she kept her peace
Held the news close to her chest
Wanting to make sure all was well
As only a mom knows best

With scan complete and heartbeat seen
Kirsty told us all today
Congratulations bounced around
As they should this special day

February seems so far away
The days will fly so fast
Hope it's not long before you say
The sickness has finally passed

But so much to do in seven months
Move of home, whatever needs be
South and West the three will head
To shore up by the sea

And twitter pals are busy planning
On celebrating too
Being #TwUncles and #TwAunts you know
The normal terms would never do

And then there is the baby shower
Before they leave for the south coast
We can meet, and chat, and celebrate
And raise a non-alcoholic toast

But there's a long way to go yet
And we'll be with you all the way
Kirsty, Child, and baby too
Call on us any time of day


For @cooda xx

Restless Rhyme

Things to do at 3am
When the little one's not well
Ways to occupy your mind
So on tiredness you don't dwell

Cover the sofa with sleeping bags
A place to play and rest
It's better than being cramped in bed
My patience that does test

Fetch a bowl of ice-cream
And sugared strawberries too
Decide against a coffee though
A buzz right now won't do

Put 'Little Bear' on tv again
Those stories are so sweet
They never fail to make her smile
Even on the third repeat

Think I'll skip the tidy up
Though the kitchen needs a hand
Don't want to disturb those upstairs
From their dream-filled land

Watch the moon begin to fade
And the stars attempt to hide
As dawn brings light and colour
But no warmth I feel inside

I see that Little Bear's been found
We're approaching half past four
All's quiet from the sofa now
Except the occasional snore

Daddy

The Canal

Head out on two wheels
Take myself for a spin
Away from the traffic
The fumes and the din

Travel on the flat paths
Save for odd bridge or lock
Leave all thoughts behind you
Ignore ticking clock

Stop still to watch
As a barge takes a turn
Nod a 'good morning'
To Captain free of concern

Read arty graffiti
As a train rumbles ovehead
Suck in some breath
My legs feel like lead

Follow shiny tracks now
But just for a while
Kids throw bread to the ducks
As they laugh, and they smile

Watch for the dogs
That jump out in your path
I'm not here
To be taking an early bath

Discarded bottles float
Untroubled by wave
Beautiful reflections
Give camera something to save

I turn for home
As I know needs must
But I'll be back soon, canal
In your calmness I trust

Palabras

Words are amazing and fascinate me
From connecting conjunctions to a simple 'be'
There's something so grand in the way they say
So much to so many in their own little way
But are they just letters, a simple sum of their parts?
Or are they much more when they pull at our hearts?
Certain words can evoke a reaction inside
Be it joy, extreme sadness, or a swelling of pride
I wonder just how they do that, what is their power?
That people will toil over them, long hour after hour
Why do writers struggle with these little things so?
In wanting to send out a message, so we know
Their point, their knowledge, or even their view
Things they want us to learn, to say, even do
And as I type out this strange verse for you to read
Let me be clear with you now, I have only one need
That you understand words, know that all words are good
And thank you for reading, I knew that you would

SOFTVFT

Never been here before
Can't say I thought I would
See this day before me
Feels strange, not something good

Failure, is that the right word?
I need some more background
To document the path here
Make my conclusions safe and sound

But I'd much rather cancel once again
Think up yet one reason more
To avoid completing act one of many
Stay locked behind my front door

But this is a means to an end
I have to convince myself
Not like I've been a big loser
I have love, comfort, my health

Still, the chains do rankle
And the noise is pretty loud
Not something easily ignored
Won't make me stand tall and proud

The deed must be done though
So what if I'll feel hollow
Time to SOFTVFT
My pride I'll have to swallow

The Address

An afternoon of nothing
House sitting, could be worse
Grateful it's given me the chance
To post this little verse

While I might give off a little shrug
Truth be told I'm not that fussed
Feeling a little strange today
I'm all a bit non-plussed

The surrounding are not helping
Been years since I was here alone
Feel odd, distant, like I intrude
In a place I once called home

It looks just as it always did
But there's a mystery to the air
I'm a stranger in a familiar place
To say 'I don't belong' seems fair

Even the cupboards seem to think so
As I rummage for a snack
The best food hides itself from me
Re-appearing when I turn my back

But time for me to leave now
My house sitting is complete
Wonder if those around
Will notice how quickly I retreat