Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Prince Valiant

Cast List

Prince Junior – RDJ
Valiant - @AndyBold
The Sorceress - @Hedgewytch
Princess Harmony - @cooda
Clarissa - @ClareyBo
Captain Squall - @CaptRJSpaulding
Merlin - @markofrespect
Captain Red - @oneandonlycarly
Rar – the dragon
Rainey – Johnny Depp
Sir Boov - @iBoov

In Lone Star castle, high above the sea of Trannet, Prince Junior waits, impatiently waits, for the arrival of his most trusted advisor, Valiant. The doors to the main hall are thrown open and Valiant, a tall purposeful man, strides in, sword gently clanking on his armour as he closes in on the Prince.

“News, brave Valiant?”

“It is true Sire, it is true. She is being held on Whisper Island, on the other side of the Massflow Strait. The dragon is fierce, but we've faced fear before Sire. Our problem lies in getting there. The straits have never been crossed. The Sorceress ensures no man will ever cross.”

“Can we not defeat her Valiant? Cannot even Merlin assist in our quest?”

“Sire, she controls the sea, the wind, and no man, no magician can prevent her wrath. It is told that many years ago, her heart was lost as her lover drowned in a storm. She bade to forever curse the seas where he departed”

“How will we ever rescue the Princess, Valiant? I have never laid eyes on her, yet I know she is the most beautiful, most precious thing in the world. I desire her like I have no other. Food will have no taste, drink no potency until she is mine”

The court trumpeters piped up, surprising both of them, as a voice rang out.

“Enough of your nonsense, let me to the Prince!”

Valiant strides forward to intercept the man, blocking the path to the Prince. The stranger just laughs.

“Do you not know who I am man? I am Captain Squall, the only Captain who can sail to Whisper Island”

“Impossible, no man can sail the Strait of Massflow. The Sorceress sees that any ship trying to cross the Strait is doomed, with all hands lost”

The Captain just laughed more.

“She may control the wind, she may control the tide. But I, Valiant, have the rain. I will get you to Whisper Island. I know what you seek is there. My terms, all the treasure belongs to me”

Prince Junior could hardly contain his excitement, he rushed forward to grab the Captain's hand, grasping it tightly, staring straight in to the Captain's eyes.

“Captain, whatever treasure or gold is there is yours with my blessing. Bring me Princess Harmony and the freedom of my land is yours forever. Let us set sail”


She knew they would be approaching. The winds told her in breathless whispers as it rushed on by. The waves grew restless, as did The Sorceress. But she did not speak back. She spoke no more. But they would not pass. She knew they would not pass.


It was a beautiful place, of that she had no doubt. She had good food, water, and the freedom of this small island. But she was captive. She had been now for several weeks, taken from her home on the other side of the sea by what had initially seemed a fearful dragon, and brought here to it's home.

As time passed, she began to realise the dragon was far from fearful. She thought on two occasions she had noticed tears in the dragon's eyes as the sun was setting over the horizon. It was always this time the dragon would pace out to the water's edge, rest as the waves gently lapped at her body and watched as the sun disappeared for another day.

She knew the tales of the Strait, had listened to the stories of The Sorceress as a child, and deep down knew that she would never leave here. Princess Harmony watched as the dragon padded out to the water's edge and alone in their loneliness, they both silently shed their tears.


“I want to be sailing those waves in 5 minutes crew. Now go” He shouted.

But it was clear he was a kind and goodly Captain, knowing when to chide his crew along. He knew they would be scared at the thought of crossing the Strait. No one knew what he meant when he said “I have the rain” but he still whispered it to the odd crew man, knowing they would pass it on, knowing they would think he had a plan to defeat The Sorceress. He had no intention to battle The Sorceress, for he knew he could not defeat her. He knew, however, that he could cross the Strait. He had the rain.

“The rain cannot surely see us across the madness, surely Valiant?”

“Sire, I have no wish to perish here, but will go with your lead. This is the Captain's task, mine is waiting for me on the Island”

Valiant nodded politely to his Prince and headed off to check on his men and their preparations. He did not want to delay the sailing. He'd always had a special place in his heart for dragons, and slaying them was something he lived for. He had once lived for something else but no more. He paused to turn and watch the sun go down. It used to be his favourite part of the day.


They'd exchanged very few words before. It had taken Harmony several days to notice the dragon could actually speak. She mistook the mummers in the sleep as simply snoring, but it turned out the dragon would talk whilst slumbering, muttering away to herself. She didn't know why today she approached, why she wanted to ask questions, but today she did.

“Why do you cry, dragon?”

“Rar, my name is Rar”

“Why do you cry Rar? I have seen you several times. Your reputation is of a fearful, deadly dragon. You do not seem as such. You weep when the sun goes down.”

“Like you, Princess, I am alone. You may be rescued, which will bring an end to my loneliness, but till then I have nothing”

“But why did you take me, knowing that warriors will come to save me and kill you?”

Rar paused, the tears building in her eyes.

“I know who desires you, Princess. I know he will do anything in his powers to save you from me. I know the men he will bring with him. One man. I know what will happen to me. But I will be saved, Harmony, I will see him one more time”

And Rar turned, head bowed and trudged slowly away from the water's edge.


He could feel the change in the air. He could sometimes read The Sorceress' thoughts, when she was angry or sad. He knew there were plans. Unpleasant plans, but there was something else too, something even his great powers could not fully sense. The destination bothered him greatly. Whisper. He'd learnt a long time ago that his powers were greatly diminished on that island, and it bothered him that he didn't know why. He hoped the plan he'd set in motion years earlier would suffice. What would happen after he had no control over. Merlin summoned his greatest warrior. He would need help if what he suspected was to occur.


The trip continued in an uneventful manner for 3 days and nights. They didn't need any adventure, this was supposed to be the easy part. The trouble would start the next morning as they approached the Strait. The Prince was scared. He could have stayed back at the castle, but no, he could not sent his men to almost certain death without being by their side. He never had. Valiant had supported him on many long campaigns, battles and adventures, even after the death of his wife, to, of all things, a dragon. The Prince knew Valiant had a special place in his heart for dragons and hoped that one day his most trusted servant, no, his most trusted friend would live for himself again.


It started not long after dawn broke. The earlier strong winds had carried them quickly to the edge of the Strait through the night. The crew manned their battle stations, not knowing what to expect, other than death. The sun cut through the light mist, all was calm, everyone was silent. Hearts pounded as the water gently splashed the sides of the ship.

A great gust of wind caught the ship from behind, speeding it up rapidly. Crewmen grabbed for lines, rigging, anything to hold on. The seas rose dramatically, quickly, the ship rolling, pitching in every directions. Enormous waves crashed over the bow, drenching all those on the deck. The hull creaked, groaning in protest at the stress being placed on it. The Captain merely laughed.

“Sorceress! Is that your best? Is that your best?” He laughed even louder.

And in reply to his taunts, the wind grew, the waves rose, hammering in to the ship. Bodies, supplies scattered everywhere. Men flew overboard unable to hang on. The Captain laughed harder.

“Show yourself, Sorceress. I want to see your face before I defeat you” he bellowed.

The clouds gathered ever more, swirling round and round it to a tight, dark circle. The rain belted down, hurting everyone with the force of it's impact. The tempest grew, tossing the ship like it was nothing more than a child's discarded toy. The waves formed as one, lifting the ship skyward, 60, 80, 100 feet above the sea, the boat resting on a rolling rollicking wave. And out of the circle, a face began to appear. Dark, reddish hair swirled round with the winds. The eyes pierced all those that looked at them. Those that turned away felt them burning their backs. There was no expression on the face, no anger, no malice. The image grew and grew, moving closer to the ship as if to swallow it whole. When the crew could almost reach out and touch The Sorceress, the Captain shouted one single word.


Seemingly from nowhere, a figure walked along the deck towards the bow, towards The Sorceress. She was oblivious to him, her eyes just blazing away. Until he spoke.

“Sorceress. Sorceress. Where have you been?”

In an instant the expressionless face changed before them. She was no longer something to be feared, to run and hide from. She was a person, and the confusion of emotion, fear, and the sudden recollection of thoughts she had long tried to forget was etched in her face and eyes. She tried to speak, but could barely utter the words.


“Yes, Sorceress, it's me. I've missed you.”

“No, no, it can't be you, you,..... y”

“Merlin saved me Sorceress. It took all of his powers and many years, but he saved me. He knew you would have to be shown this way, that this was the only way you'd believe it. It had to be this way. I've missed you, Sorceress.”

And in the blink of the eye, the clouds had parted, the seas had calmed and the ship was once again resting on the gentle waves. The Sorceress stood on the deck, her arms around Rainey. She knew it was him from the look in his eyes, the gentle timbre of his voice.

The collective sigh of the crew as the ship hit the shoreline was audible over the noise of the surf. Their job was complete. For Valiant, his job was just beginning. He assured the Prince he would return with Harmony, and set off to find the dragon and do battle

He quickly found the lair, an enormous cavern near the waters edge. The size of the lair made him wary, this would be no easy task. The heavy footfalls behind him told him everything. He spun round to be faced with an enormous, dark, scaled dragon, but one not ready for battle. He waited no time at all in raising his sword to strike. At that moment a voice screamed out.

“Do not kill the dragon”

Valiant took a step back. This had never happened before. He knew the lady before him to be Princess Harmony. The Princess that the dragon had stole and imprisoned for weeks.

“She's not mean, she hadn't hurt me at all. She even talks” The Princess looked over to Ra. “Talk to him Rar.”

But she couldn't. The words clung to her throat, and couldn't escape. She knew this man had come to kill her. She had waited for this day, planned for this day, caused this day. She hung her head as the sword was lifted again.

“No! Have you no love in your heart? Can't you see the dragon's lost something close to them? Have you never felt that love?” Valiant turned and spoke with a passion that had only ever been seen in battle before.

“I had love. I had love in my heart. I had a wife, a kind and loving wife. We shared our lives, every minute of every day that we could. I loved her like I will never love anyone. She was taken from me, by, by, by them” he said pointing the tip of his sword at Ra as the tears streamed down his face “And I will never get her back. And now I have nothing. We shared every sunset together at the water's edge. And now I stand there alone, with tears on my face. I have nothing left in my heart.”

The Princess stopped. She couldn't believe what she'd just heard. No, it could be. Valiant turned back, rage clear in his eyes and in the way he raised his sword to strike. Ra finally managed to utter one single word. The Princess screamed as the blade swung towards Ra as she whispered “Valiant”

A mighty clang of metal on metal filled the air as a glimmering blade blocked the path of Valiant's sword to the dragon.

“You do not want to do that, my friend” the gentle voice said.

“Step back Sir, this is not your battle. Stand back.”

“Do you not see what is there in front of you, Valiant?

“Stand back Sir, I do not want to hurt you.” And then a voice from behind him said.

“You cannot hurt him, Valiant. He is Sir Boov”

“Valiant, do you not see what is before you? You see a dragon, I see your wife.” The princess came running over.

“Yes, yes, it is. Every night she walks down to the water's edge to watch the sunset, and cries.”

“Valiant, my husband, it is me.”

Valiant stood rooted to the spot. He'd come with hatred in his heart. He could hear her voice in the words that she said, in the way she said his name. He new it was his wife, his Clarissa. He longed to believe.

Merlin explained to the group that instead of being killed by a dragon, the blood of a dragon in her veins had slowed turned her what they saw before them now.

“My powers are useless on this island. I cannot turn Clarissa back. The Sorceress should be able to, but we will break the spell on the island and release the demon inside. The consequences could be fateful for us all until we reach land”

The Captain quickly prepared the boat for departure while The Sorceress and Merlin considered the best way to break the spell. One other meeting took place.

“My lady, my Princess, I have waited every moment of my life to be here with you right now.”

“You took your time. Bitch”

“Let me take you away from this place, to my castle, where we can spend forever together.”

“I can think of nothing I would like more, Prince Junior.”

The boat was ready. The crew was ready, and as The Sorceress cast the spell to release Clarissa, the boat moved away to the sounds of enormous rumblings from deep inside the island.

Rocks burst up from the centre, fire and ash spitting out everywhere. The boat hadn't moved off too far as the island erupted, seemingly to chase after them. Merlin's powers were still zapped by the island so could do nothing. The Sorceress tried to delay the demons progress, but it was catching them rapidly. The boat would not go any faster. The demon was gaining, a wall of fire now reaching out over the waves to them. It was inches from the stern.

“Tally ho Captain” called Captain Red, throwing lines from her ship, The Smiley, the fastest ship in the world. “Thought you'd need a hand.”

The extra speed from the The Smiley was taking them to safety, out of the reach of the demon. Captain Red had saved them all.  One last enormous explosion from the island send a huge wave chasing after them. Fast as they were now, they would not outrun this. The big wave quickly swept them up and carried then onwards and ever close to land. What would have been 3 days sailing was reduced to a mere couple of hours.

As they touched down on land, hugs, kisses and handshakes were exchanged, and a few knees were bent.

“Princess Harmony, will you marry me?”

“I would be honoured, Prince Junior”

“Sorceress, let us never be parted, or changed.”

And as Valiant and Clarissa hugged, Prince Junior touched him gently on the shoulder.

“Valiant, you have served your country and your prince with honour, arise Sir Valiant”

“It has been a day of adventure, but one more thing Sir Boov, follow me.”

“Remind me, why am I following you?”

And as the gathering turned their minds to the celebration ball, the sparkle, the outfits, Captain Red turned and said.

“I'm thirsty Captain Squall. Time for you to go make the tea.”


  1. OMG! I Love you! this is Genius!!!

    Oh Rain! Let us never be parted! *Casts binding spell upon*
    //yeah I know we don't do this but damnit it's my story too

    Thank you xxx

  2. This is the best story ever written. Obviously I am being biased but fucking hell I have to be.

  3. Thank you Hedgewytch
    It is your story too. It came from our conversations, and your input was key to getting it all together.

  4. Cooda
    You gave us the acknowledged funny line of the story. Without you guys it wouldn't have happened.

    Want to do another...........?